as long as he doesn’t get to the bottom of the bottle first. Tier 3: Strong, Mid-Century Detective Novel Vibes 6. This is just a super fun name to say someone please write a limerick about Connolly Early. Phenomenal use of a last name as a first name. I mean, really: Phoenix Call! It’s audacious, and that’s why it works. This is a name that’s so fake that I swear it comes from a Martin Amis novel. Phoenix Call (226, Calabasas HS, California) Yes, Trennor does dance a little too close to the the category of “made-up suburban soccer names.” But what saves it here is the way it smoothly flows into the last name O’Donnell. Tier 4: We’re trying a little too hard here. Sometimes I like a name that is spelled exactly the way you think it is. Combining them into one sparkplug of a catcher as his parents did here is some inspired child-naming. Kyle Teel (14, UVA)īoth the first name Kyle and the color teal are absolute icons of the 90s. But it has a little bit of a rhyming element to it that elevates it to the next level. On the surface, this seems like a pretty standard name. Just imagine how wrong things could have gone if his parents had picked something like Richard or Kevin or something? Dylan fits in here seamlessly, though. Schlaegel is not an easy name to pair with. This is the fault of neither Isaac, nor his parents, but thems the breaks. But for the next 20 years, every single time I try to type “Stebens,” autocrorrect is going to change the “b” to a “v”, launching me into an exhausting, expletive-laced tirade against modern technology. The hard C of Isaac flows quite nicely into the S of Stebens, actually. Isaac Stebens (478, Oklahoma State)įrom an aural perspective, I think there’s a lot to like about Isaac Stebens. Tier 6: The Name From Autocorrect Hell 14. If he pronounced his last name with a Germanic “V” instead of the Americanized “W”, he’d instantly jump two tiers. He sold insurance and enjoyed grilling on the weekends. I’m pretty sure that Bob Orloski was my grandfather’s neighbor for 30 years in leafy Raynham, Massachusetts. Robert Orloski (598, Middleton HS, Idaho) Tough break on the last name, though, kid. Zach Fogel (538, UConn)īig fan of spelling this particular first name with an H instead of a K. If we put our heads together, I’m sure we can come with something that’s a bit more creative. Just within the last decade, there have already been two other Matt Duffys in Major League Baseball. Matt Duffy (115, Canisius) This is NOT the Matt Duffy the Red Sox just drafted. Sorry, Kristian, but Roger Clemens ruined first names that weirdly start with K for the rest of us. Cade Feeney (388, North Dakota State)Ĭade Feeney, on the other hand, is the bad boy of Hope Valley, the guy who hasn’t let go of high school and rules the billiards room of the Last Hope Pub down on Main Street with a tobacco-stained iron fist. And after a contentious introduction in which they fought over a parking spot, he is going to absolutely steal the heart of the overworked business woman visiting from the big city. Caden Rose is a charming, newly single, hunky but modest ranch owner (he took over for his recently deceased parents) who lives in a small town called Hope Valley. Sorry, but you can’t tell me that this dude is a baseball player. Caden Rose (208, Alabama) Photo by Michael Wade/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images Tier 8: We’re Trying a little too hard here, guys. You really don’t need any other draft analysis than this, I promise. So here you go: a ranking of the 2023 draftees of the Boston Red Sox according to how fun and cool their names are. Baseball names, I would argue, are especially fun in the way they seem to exist as much in our imaginations as they do in real life. Until these guys step on minor league fields, we barely know anything about them.īut we what we do are their names. And while I like the draft -and, in particular, the way it focuses the spotlight on parts of the baseball world that normally exist in the shadows - there’s only so much we can discuss. The only meaningful baseball news this week was the MLB Draft. What are we supposed to do, analyze the All-Star game? That’s crazy talk the guys who played in it last night have already forgotten what happened.
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